We don't do Secrets

Phew. This one is a heavy one. I'm going to try my best to explain why our family does not do secrets and why we call body parts by their proper name.

In a time of "me too", sexual harassment allegations and human trafficking it is never too soon to talk to our children about their private parts and safety. This post is not to scare you in anyway-in fact I feel that the more prep work you take in this area it will help you to live less fearful. With that said we need to protect our children. 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys are sexually abused. (See more facts and citation here)

So we need to do something to prepare our children. How we do this is by correctly naming our body parts and talking about who can touch their body and when. It's not easy to call body parts correctly. Penis and Vagina are not bad words, nor are they "bad" parts of the  body. Our eldest son knows who is allowed to see him naked and who is not. The list includes Mom, Dad and Doctor and babysitters only for dressing in pjs. We started this conversation with him at 3 years old. Is this an early age? No. Is it always a comfortable discussion? No. But so worthwhile. It has already served and protected him set healthy boundaries and to talk very clearly what is happening to his body.

"Secrets don't make friends." 
On to why we don't do Secrets.  Child molesters will "groom" your children to make sure that the child will comply with their instructions and to protect themselves. One way they do this is to ask for small favors or ask children to keep benign secrets. Over a period of time  the intensity in secrets and favors increases until the abuse happens and the child is told that it will be their secret.

Beside abusive situations I have found that secrets in general are not a healthy products of a good family relationship. When has a family secret ever been a good thing?

So we don't do secrets.

Hopefully these tips will help you have good family conversations and keep your littles safe.  Above all else we trust God our father to keep our littles safe when we can't and that what satan means for evil, God uses for good.

Xoxo
M.